Tuesday, July 22, 2014

You Have Called Me Higher.

I could just sit, I could just sit and wait for all your goodness, hope to feel Your presence
I could just stay, I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You, hope to feel something again

I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside
I could be safe, oh, I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home, Never let these walls down
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper, And I’ll go where You will lead me, Lord
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper, And I’ll go where You will lead me, Lord
You lead me. You lead me, Lord

I will be Yours, oh, I will be Yours for all my life
I will be Yours, oh, I will be Yours for all my life
I will be Yours, Lord, I will be Yours for all my Life so let Your mercy light the path before me
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper

"You Have Called Me Higher"

-All Sons & Daughters

Eight years ago, I graduated from high school at the top of my class and was headed to college to pursue a degree in civil engineering. It had been instilled in me since I was a little girl that I had to make good grades, get a scholarship, go to college, and get a good job.  I had a genuine love for mathematics (yes, I'm one of those nerdy people who enjoys working math problems),  so civil engineering seemed to be the only choice for me since it required a strong background in math, had a nice salary range, and had a good job outlook.

My first two years of college, I had at least one math course every semester beginning with Calculus I and finishing with Linear Algebra and Differential Equations.  I had amazing instructors who made math enjoyable and fun, and after helping my friends who struggled with math, I knew one day I would become a math teacher. But first, I had to become an engineer because that's what I had set out to do, and I didn't want anyone thinking I couldn't do it. I'm not sure why I didn't change my major the day the desire to teach math to others was planted in my heart- maybe it was pride, or that I was so insistent on using engineering on the mission field for God's glory even though I'm not sure I ever really prayed about it.  But God is Sovereign and I do trust this has all been part of his perfect plan for my life. 

It is no secret that  I loved engineering school even if it was extremely challenging.  I somehow managed to make every exam a game- several puzzles to be completed in a certain amount of time. And  even though the actual application of what I was learning never really clicked, I  managed to pass all of my courses with decent grades, nailed the fundamentals of engineering exam, and even had a job offer before graduation day.     But deep down, I knew engineering was not my true calling.

I started to work excitedly one month after graduation as a field engineer for an industrial construction company out of Atlanta and worked there for seven months.  My first job with the company was a gasoline benzine reduction project on an oil refinery in Denver, Colorado. It was dirty, there was a heavy amount of bad language to my dismay, and I wasn't using anything I had learned in school; but I did some much needed growing up during that time. I was no longer a small town girl- I was meeting the world, but my heart had a much greater longing. And so, I was elated when I began working as Assistant Engineer for the City of Gadsden in January of 2012. I was actually going to be doing civil engineer work for the City I grew up in. It was an answer to my prayers, and I couldn't wait to finally use what I had learned in college!   But three years after beginning my career, the  application still never fully registered, and my desire to become a math teacher has remained steadfast.

Eight years ago, I had no desire to be a wife or mom, and leading the next generation was only a side thought. But today, I am a wife. And I desire to be a mom one day. And it is my passion to teach and be a role model for the next generation.  The Lord has planted new desires in my heart, and I no longer can sit and continue pursuing a career where the fire that once burned is now only burning embers.

So on July 31, I will let go of my status as a civil engineer, I will let my walls down, and I will accept the calling the Lord has placed on my life. Beginning in August, I will teach math to 7th graders at the very middle school I once attended, and it is my prayer that the Lord will use this change to allow me to  not only make a difference in these middle schooler's lives but to also be a better wife and.. one day mother, and that the Lord will receive honor and glory through my life.   The Lord has made provision for me, and I trust Him completely to lead me through this endeavor.

To say I haven't grieved over this change would be a lie. Because while I am absolutely certain this is God's calling on my life, letting go of the thing I worked so hard for eight years has been more difficult than I realized. And to leave behind my precious coworkers and an employer who have been so gracious and loving to allow me to work for them the past few years has caused many tears.

To walk from the known to the unknown is never easy, but the Lord's mercies are new every morning, and He restores my soul.  He is leading me where my trust is without borders thus increasing my dependency on Him and that I take full joy in.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul." Psalm 23:2b-3a

1 comment:

  1. This is a great post. I am so glad that you became a civil engineer, because it allowed me to meet you during your stint in Denver! You are such a great girl, and inspired me to be stronger in my faith. Thank you for that!
    I am so glad that you are listening to God's voice, and didn't turn him aside. It's amazing how He works in us and through us. You will be a great teacher. Welcome to the WONDERFUL world of teaching. It is filled with many blessings in your life, your students' lives, and the families with whom you encounter!