Tuesday, July 22, 2014

You Have Called Me Higher.

I could just sit, I could just sit and wait for all your goodness, hope to feel Your presence
I could just stay, I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You, hope to feel something again

I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside
I could be safe, oh, I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home, Never let these walls down
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper, And I’ll go where You will lead me, Lord
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper, And I’ll go where You will lead me, Lord
You lead me. You lead me, Lord

I will be Yours, oh, I will be Yours for all my life
I will be Yours, oh, I will be Yours for all my life
I will be Yours, Lord, I will be Yours for all my Life so let Your mercy light the path before me
But You have called me higher, You have called me deeper

"You Have Called Me Higher"

-All Sons & Daughters

Eight years ago, I graduated from high school at the top of my class and was headed to college to pursue a degree in civil engineering. It had been instilled in me since I was a little girl that I had to make good grades, get a scholarship, go to college, and get a good job.  I had a genuine love for mathematics (yes, I'm one of those nerdy people who enjoys working math problems),  so civil engineering seemed to be the only choice for me since it required a strong background in math, had a nice salary range, and had a good job outlook.

My first two years of college, I had at least one math course every semester beginning with Calculus I and finishing with Linear Algebra and Differential Equations.  I had amazing instructors who made math enjoyable and fun, and after helping my friends who struggled with math, I knew one day I would become a math teacher. But first, I had to become an engineer because that's what I had set out to do, and I didn't want anyone thinking I couldn't do it. I'm not sure why I didn't change my major the day the desire to teach math to others was planted in my heart- maybe it was pride, or that I was so insistent on using engineering on the mission field for God's glory even though I'm not sure I ever really prayed about it.  But God is Sovereign and I do trust this has all been part of his perfect plan for my life. 

It is no secret that  I loved engineering school even if it was extremely challenging.  I somehow managed to make every exam a game- several puzzles to be completed in a certain amount of time. And  even though the actual application of what I was learning never really clicked, I  managed to pass all of my courses with decent grades, nailed the fundamentals of engineering exam, and even had a job offer before graduation day.     But deep down, I knew engineering was not my true calling.

I started to work excitedly one month after graduation as a field engineer for an industrial construction company out of Atlanta and worked there for seven months.  My first job with the company was a gasoline benzine reduction project on an oil refinery in Denver, Colorado. It was dirty, there was a heavy amount of bad language to my dismay, and I wasn't using anything I had learned in school; but I did some much needed growing up during that time. I was no longer a small town girl- I was meeting the world, but my heart had a much greater longing. And so, I was elated when I began working as Assistant Engineer for the City of Gadsden in January of 2012. I was actually going to be doing civil engineer work for the City I grew up in. It was an answer to my prayers, and I couldn't wait to finally use what I had learned in college!   But three years after beginning my career, the  application still never fully registered, and my desire to become a math teacher has remained steadfast.

Eight years ago, I had no desire to be a wife or mom, and leading the next generation was only a side thought. But today, I am a wife. And I desire to be a mom one day. And it is my passion to teach and be a role model for the next generation.  The Lord has planted new desires in my heart, and I no longer can sit and continue pursuing a career where the fire that once burned is now only burning embers.

So on July 31, I will let go of my status as a civil engineer, I will let my walls down, and I will accept the calling the Lord has placed on my life. Beginning in August, I will teach math to 7th graders at the very middle school I once attended, and it is my prayer that the Lord will use this change to allow me to  not only make a difference in these middle schooler's lives but to also be a better wife and.. one day mother, and that the Lord will receive honor and glory through my life.   The Lord has made provision for me, and I trust Him completely to lead me through this endeavor.

To say I haven't grieved over this change would be a lie. Because while I am absolutely certain this is God's calling on my life, letting go of the thing I worked so hard for eight years has been more difficult than I realized. And to leave behind my precious coworkers and an employer who have been so gracious and loving to allow me to work for them the past few years has caused many tears.

To walk from the known to the unknown is never easy, but the Lord's mercies are new every morning, and He restores my soul.  He is leading me where my trust is without borders thus increasing my dependency on Him and that I take full joy in.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul." Psalm 23:2b-3a

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Something to be Thankful For

Over the past year, I have really began to reassess the way I view the  blessings God has given me.  I used to be a real complainer about all the things I didn't have, and I still do complain at times and often, or I am at least tempted to complain.   Lately though, the Lord has really began to change my heart from a complaining heart to a grateful heart-I'm not sure if it's the decision to live more "sacrificially" although I wouldn't say I have sacrificed much, or if it's the fact I have developed a better understanding of the Lord's calling on my life as a follower of Christ which in turn will cause a person to live sacrificially, or if it's that my constant prayer has been for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. Either way, with the day devoted to giving thanks coming up soon I feel it necessary to write about a few of the infinite number of things I have to be thankful for. 

I really can't write enough words to describe all the blessings God has poured on me, and to name all the things I am thankful for this year is a daunting task.  But I will try.

I am thankful...

for the husband my Father gave me thirteen months ago.  It is a great blessing to have a man like Seth Richardson to walk beside me for my time here on earth (until the Lord decides to take one of us home).

for a family- the family I was born into and married into as well.   I could not ask for better parents- parents that have loved me since before I was born and sacrificed so much for me.  And my parents-in-love have shown so much grace and love to me as I married their son, praying for me for years before they even knew my name.  And the many precious Aunts and Uncles and Cousins who I love so dearly even through distance.

for my church family- the amazing body of Christ the Lord has given me to serve alongside with and learn and see more of Christ's love through.

for my precious friendships, new and old.   The Lord has given me so many amazing friendship. Some friendships were only for a season and are kept up with through social media. Some friendships are deep to the core yet physical distance keeps us from talking every day yet I am encouraged and challenged by them daily, and when I do get the opportunity to spend time with those friends, it's always as if we never missed a beat.   And then my new friendships with ladies who spiritually challenge me now, the ones who I am currently serving with and learning to love in this new season of life.   

for my job.  The job I work so that I may give back to the City of Gadsden and mostly to my Father. The job that allows me to provide for my family's needs.  The job that allows me to develop relationships with my coworkers.

for my health.  The health that gives me energy to wake up every day. The health that allows me to walk and run, see and hear, serve and work, and one day bear a child.

for changing seasons.  The symbolism that comes with the changing seasons.  It's refreshing.

for my education.

for the food God supplies to me daily.

for my home.


clean water  and a place to lay my head every night, sunsets and sunrises, the ability to be able to choose my own style and show my personality, coffee and art, sunshine and rain,  music and dancing, runner's high, mountains and beaches, peanut butter, and the list goes on..

But mostly I'm thankful for the Trinity- Father, Son and Holy Spirit that lives with in me.  I'm thankful for a Savior who gives rest to the weary, who holds my life in his hands, and has given me salvation that I don't deserve.

I'm thankful for my Savior who is never a never changing constant. And when all the other things I am thankful for are stripped away and they will be because we living in a dying, sin filled world, my hope is in Someone who created me for His glory, someone who is never changing and is infinite in majesty and love.   And that is something to be forever grateful for!

 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God,
and a great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth;
the heights of the mountains are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land. 
(Psalm 95:1-5, ESV)

Sunday, October 6, 2013

One Year

October 7, 2012 I told Seth I would be united with him in marriage until death do we part. On that day, I made a vow to Seth that I would love him and honor him no matter the circumstance.  I entered into a covenant of oneness with Seth before my Father and many special friends and family so dear to us.   It was a day I cherish. Every moment. Every word spoken. Every person in attendance.  It was a day full of so much joy.

Now one year later, I will tell you I am the most blessed girl to have Seth Richardson as my husband.  I truly, truly  am.   Seth is so patient with me. He is my protector, and he is my steady.  He is honest with me even when it's hard.  He speaks truth in my life and knows the Word and quotes the Word to me when I doubt.  He is fun and loving, strong and handsome, and so very talented.  He makes me laugh several times a day and always knows when something is bothering me and attempts to "fix it". Not to mention, he raves over my cooking and thinks I am beautiful. ( What girl doesn't want to hear that? ;) He loves me, and  he proves his love to me daily even on the days I don't make it very easy to love. Our first year of marriage has been wonderful, and I wouldn't trade doing life with Seth for anything. There is no one else I'd rather wake up beside, cook for, and share weekends with.

One year later, I will also tell you my first year of marriage has not been so "easy breezy"-at least for me it hasn't. I thought marriage would be the time I'd learn a lot about Seth, and I have. Our pastor in counseling told us to get "Ph. D.'s" in each other, and we are slowly but surely working on it. But really more than anything, I've learned a lot about myself- and a lot of hard stuff.  I've learned I'm more selfish than I could ever imagine, and I'm also more codependent than I ever would have admitted to myself.  This year I've pitched a lot of fits, and I've cried a lot of tears. Not because Seth had done anything wrong, but because my ugly flesh had finally been revealed to me-the flesh that noone else had ever really seen or at least confronted me about.    Since a couple of months after our wedding day, I do believe my flesh began to rage war within me. I'd never had anyone so close to me speak so much hard truth into my life.  It's almost like God decided it was time to fine-tune me and begin to pick out the nitty gritty sinful details of my flesh.  My instant reaction to a lot of this truth revealed about my life and attitude this past year has been "no-way, not-me. I'm fine just the way I am".  I wanted every thing to be done my way, and I sincerely thought my way was the best since no one had every confronted me about my "ways" before. But   "my way" clearly is not the best.  God's calling for me is and has been to  give up myself and truly become "one" with Seth and choose His ways together.

I really had no clue how God would use marriage to bring me closer to Him and make me more like Him. I had no idea how God would use it to sanctify me.   I know now.    God knew I needed someone opposite of me- someone to state the truth to me and tell me really "how it is", someone who is steady and opinionated,someone who is stubborn, and maybe even someone who is a little "harsh" and not afraid to hurt my feelings.  I see it so clearly now.  I've been so challenged to stand up for myself and be confrontational when confrontation is required instead of running away once a disagreement would begin .  I'm beginning to appreciate opinionated people instead of freezing up and crawling into a hole when opinions are forced on me.  I'm understanding I can't say yes to every thing even with my servant's heart and that not everybody has the same needs as me. I realize now I can't please everyone, and I should only strive to do God's will and please Him.  Otherwise, I will simply be overwhelmed and exhausted-unable to do the things I do well well.  I'm learning to stay true to who I am and the interests God has given me, and that I shouldn't allow others to influence who God has made me to be or called me to be.   Mostly, I've come to realize even more so how in desperate need of a  Savior I am and how spending time with the Lord every day is so vital to me and my relationship with Seth and others.  And when I'm emotionally exhausted from trying "purify" myself on my own, God simply reminds me I do not have to  and cannot do this on my own. He gives me rest. And oh, how I NEED my Father.

One year later, I am so grateful for the gift of marriage. I am so continually astounded by God's faithfulness.  Marriage is such a blessing. The picture of God's love I see through my own marriage is beautiful.  Our perfect Father has loved us no matter the circumstance- even through our daily occurrence of unfaithfulness to Him.  No matter how many fits I pitch or tears I cry or mistakes I make, Seth still loves me. It's undeserved love.  And of course the love we receive from Christ cannot be compared to, but to imagine a love infinitely more perfect and unending than the love I receive from my husband is unfathomable.

So today, one year later all I can do is praise God for this gift of unity He has given to me and Seth.  Not only has God given me to Seth to be his "help-mate", He has given me better understanding of His great love for me.  He is purifying me to be more like Him. And I can't praise Him enough!

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18, ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her bythe washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.  (Ephesians 5:25-30, ESV)

I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations. (Psalm 89:1, ESV)

Happy One Year Anniversary to my best friend and love of my life!  I'm still in awe that God chose me to be your wife!  I love you, Seth!

Thursday, August 8, 2013


"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High." Psalm 7:17 

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
Today I turn twenty-five, and that number is a little overwhelming for me. I know it's not old, and I still have so much youth in me but I feel like it's this strange milestone I've reached.  It's not so much the number twenty-five as to where I'm at opposed to where I've been.  It's this new season I am in that makes twenty-five seem so overwhelming, and to be honest it's a little frightening.  I've been finished with school for over two years.  I've been working a full time job since one month after I graduated.  I am an adult.  I'm married to my best friend, and I absolutely love it! But with marriage comes responsibilities in the home and.. learning to give up self.  My very best friends are scattered all over the state and country, and to be honest making new friends like those I had in high school and college has not been the easiest feat, although God has definitely blessed me with new ones.   I love the life God has given me, and I am so exceptionally abundantly blessed, but all the changes that have occurred in the course of the year have been a  little bit of a struggle for me. 

With all that being said, I choose today to allow my identity to be in Christ and Christ only- not a number or circumstances. I choose today to only sing songs of Praise to my King.  I choose  to celebrate the life God has given me and the places He has taken me and will take me.  I'm so thankful for the husband I have and the man of God he is and the truth he brings to my life.  I love serving Seth and learning how to be a help-mate for him.  I'm thankful for the job God has provided me so that I can give back to Him.  I find so much joy in laboring for my Lord and Savior.  I'm so thankful for the consistency my job has brought me and the opportunity to make new friends and build new relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm thankful to be able to serve in the same church every Sunday. I'm thankful for the lessons God brings me everyday.  I'm thankful for twenty-five years of learning experiences, and twelve years of growing in Christ!   He will use my experiences and my knowledge of Him to lead others through valleys.  And I am thrilled for the journey He is taking me on, and the works He is going to do through me.  I will trust Him as He leads me through this  season, and I will give Him all the praise!

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Side note: August is my favorite month of the year. I always loved going shopping with my Mom for school clothes and supplies for my birthday. I've always loved the start of a new school year with new classes and teachers and seeing friends after a long summer break.  And to be honest, the past three Augusts I've missed "going back to school".   

Friday, May 24, 2013


As a newly wed, I am learning what submission really looks like.  God tells us in His Word that wives are to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to God.

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24, ESV)

Merriam Webster's definition of submit is
1a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : surrender
b : to permit oneself to be subjected to something <had to submit to surgery>
2: to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another 

If I am honest, this submission thing is not always easy. God told us that it wouldn't be at the fall of man way back in the Garden of Eden.  Because of the fall, women  desire to rule over their husbands, and my own flesh often demonstrates this desire.

 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.

Your desire shall be for your husband,

and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, ESV)

So let me be real with you all. 

My husband is very authoritative by nature (I'm so grateful for this quality in Seth) which makes it less likely for me to be the ruler over my household and easier for me to play my part as wife by submitting to husband. I have a personality that hates confrontation and arguments. I aim to please everyone, so naturally I am a submissive person, but I am human and I am selfish- let me reiterate, I am SELFISH. And if I have an opinion about something, then I am right or at least I believe I am right whether it's true or not. And sometimes when things don't go my way, I become angry and frustrated.   My anger and frustration almost always comes out in tears-tears that I normally can hold in until I'm alone, and those that are extremely close to me ( my mom, dad, brother, and unfortunately now Seth) have sadly seen me "pitch a fit".  

Seth and I are completely opposite in personality (most of you can testify), and because of our difference in genders, we naturally have some different interests and hobbies. This difference in personalities and interests causes a little bit of disagreement which is ok because I know God uses these differences to make us more rounded and more like Him. But there has been a day or maybe two when we are in disagreement and I'll nod my head yes to him but  when he leaves the room, I pitch a complete fit. I stomp my feet and scream (in my quiet voice so the neighbors won't here) and then I cry in self-pity because I never "get my way".  I kind of act like a child having a temper tantrum- awful and embarrassing I know!. This in no way is submitting to my husbandThis in every way is me being selfish, prideful, and ugly.  Even though most times I wait until I'm "alone" to pitch my fit,  my heart is not in submission to him. When I act in this way, I'm basically throwing myself a pity party which is sin in itself and saying my husband doesn't know best and I don't trust him.   It's pretty much the same as me pitching a fit and crying to God after He doesn't do something the way I asked Him to.  When I do this, I'm telling God that He doesn't have my trust- I don't trust the Creator of the Universe with my life. That's an extremely  bold statement to say to the One who laid His on life down for my sin-the One who is sovereign over ALL things. 

Submission isn't easy in this sin-filled world. Trusting something you can't see requires Faith. But Who else would I trust with my life? And marrying and submitting to another human  is more difficult than that.  I mean God doesn't make mistakes, but we as humans do daily so as expected, giving another person full authority over yourself is not easy. 

God's given us the power of prayer though, and I praise God for the husband I have who is faithful to Him, one who is above reproach, and one who loves the Lord and loves me dearly.  I thank God for being able to change me and my thoughts through prayer, and His Holy Spirit which works through me and will give me a spirit of humility and selflessness on days when I want it to be "all about me".  I want to trust my husband with every decision, praying that the Holy Spirit will be present in every dimension of his life and my life.  I want to be submissive to my husband. I want to be submissive to God.  I can't do it alone.   I can't do it alone. I CAN'T DO IT ALONE.  And praise Jesus, He hasn't asked me to.

So today God, I'm trusting in You to lead me through every disagreement that I may submit joyfully to my husband.  God, I need your forgiveness and grace daily. Break my pride, God. Make me humble. Because I need you.  I need you, Father.

And Seth, thank you for forgiving me when I allow my ugly flesh to super-cede the Holy Spirit. Thank you for loving me despite all my flaws. And thank you for respecting me and loving me like Christ loves the church. I love you. 

Friday, May 17, 2013

Unequally Yoked? 1 Kings 11:1-4

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods." Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. (1 Kings 11:1-4 ESV)

 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,

and I will be their God,

and they shall be my people.

Therefore go out from their midst,

and be separate from them, says the Lord,

and touch no unclean thing;

then I will welcome you,

and I will be a father to you,

and you shall be sons and daughters to me,

says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, ESV)

1 Kings 11 is a biblical example of why one should not date an unbeliever. If you date an unbeliever with the reasoning that you will be able to "change" him or her.. You need to back it on up and hop back over the friends only line. Chances are you will not change them and you will fall. Imagine standing up and trying to hold or pull another person up. No matter how strong you are, you will eventually fall. Dating relationships  typically are deep relationships, and a deep relationship apart from the Body of Christ holds not accountability. God's word tells us we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. There are no excuses for a believer to even think for a second they can date an unbeliever.  And an unbeliever includes those who say they are Christians but show no fruit..    And I've been in those shoes before.  I've dated an unbeliever thinking "I can change him- I can show him Jesus."  I thought I was invincible and I could date anybody and stand firm. But I quickly realized this was not the case as I was not being encouraged or built up any longer, and the chains of sin began wrap around me.   Praise God my experience with this only lasted about 3 months, and my conviction led me to awakening and repentance realizing my need for God in every dimension of my life.  I praise Him for pulling me out of that miry pit before I got too deep.   Our God cares and that's why He has given us the Word.

God told Solomon not to enter marriage with the foreign women because they would turn his heart after their gods.  Solomon married them anyway and clung to them, and these women did turn his heart after other gods.  He did what was evil in sight of the Lord and God tore the kingdom of Israel from Solomon's hands leaving only one tribe in Israel of the twelve tribes for Solomon to reign for the sake of David and Jerusalem. (1 Kings 11:9-13)

God's command to Solomon is true for us today.  And the consequences are tough.  Our decisions we make over who we allow ourselves to date and marry can affect generations to come. Be wise. Be alert. And be of sound mind.

 Be sober-minded;be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. (1 Peter 5:8-9, ESV)

Girls, if you are struggling with the temptation to date an unbeliever or are already in a dating relationship with an unbeliever and not sure how to pull out and stay out of the miry pit it's sucked you into, I would love to talk with you, cry with you, and help hold you accountable.  I'm a message away :).  God loves you, and He's won the battle for you if you'll only surrender it to Him.  And I love you as my sister in Christ.

With much much love,


Friday, April 26, 2013


What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
Your burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate
Without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

 And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

-David Crowder

oh dear Jesus,

my heart. it burns for You. i'm obsessed with You. You are my Creator, my perfect and wonderful Heavenly Father. You are my Husband-my Lover. You are the soul Satisfier, the Meeter of all my needs. You are my Forgiver and my Provider. You are Who makes me Whole. You are my Everything. and i...

i am a coward. i am prideful. i am selfish and out of control. i am fearful and afraid. i am lonely and broken. i am unfaithful and unkind. i am a liar. and i am a sinner.

but Jesus,

i am OBSESSED with You, because You gave me grace when I didn't deserve it. You have had mercy on me and have loved me and shown me what true love is. You laid down your life for me. You showed me it doesn't matter what my profession or social status is. You are God and You give me hope. You free me from my pride, and my selfishness, and my fear, and my loneliness.  You give me a new song to sing, and a new dance to dance. You are God and You have given me life.

and God,

i want to lay down my life for You.
all of it.
it is Yours.

 i am Your daughter and i am Your bride.
 i am Your follower.
 i'll mess this up. but God, i trust You- Your grace is sufficient for me.