Obsession

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
Your burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate
Without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

 And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You


-David Crowder

oh dear Jesus,


my heart. it burns for You. i'm obsessed with You. You are my Creator, my perfect and wonderful Heavenly Father. You are my Husband-my Lover. You are the soul Satisfier, the Meeter of all my needs. You are my Forgiver and my Provider. You are Who makes me Whole. You are my Everything. and i...


i am a coward. i am prideful. i am selfish and out of control. i am fearful and afraid. i am lonely and broken. i am unfaithful and unkind. i am a liar. and i am a sinner.


but Jesus,


i am OBSESSED with You, because You gave me grace when I didn't deserve it. You have had mercy on me and have loved me and shown me what true love is. You laid down your life for me. You showed me it doesn't matter what my profession or social status is. You are God and You give me hope. You free me from my pride, and my selfishness, and my fear, and my loneliness.  You give me a new song to sing, and a new dance to dance. You are God and You have given me life.


and God,

i want to lay down my life for You.
all of it.
forever.
it is Yours.


 i am Your daughter and i am Your bride.
 i am Your follower.
 i'll mess this up. but God, i trust You- Your grace is sufficient for me. 

Stepping Into the Boat

Last night at church, we held our kick-off service for our "Gathered-to-Go" Missions Celebration.

Our church has adopted the Global Focus program which will mold us into an Acts 1:8 Church.  We are called to Go, and Global Focus will help equip us to do that. Taking part in Global Focus requires us to celebrate what God's doing in and by our Church throughout the nations each year.  This is our first Celebration!  And it is a celebration indeed as we have missionaries that our church sponsors from all over the world here in Gadsden for the week! It's so exciting to see God at work around the world!

 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.  (Acts 1:8, ESV)
 
Part of the celebration requires us to evaluate our lives and commit to God to be faithful. We want to continue sending out members of our church into Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth. And so last night at our kick off service we had Dr. Danny Wood deliver a message. (Danny is the pastor of Shades Mountain Baptist Church in Birmingham which has been involved with Global Focus for about 10 years I believe.)  Anyway, Dr. Wood preached on Mathew 8:23-27 where the disciples chose to trust in Christ and step in the boat with him even in the midst of a storm.   Dr. Wood told us that we will be one of two people- we will stand along the shore and watch or we will step into the boat with Christ and follow after Him.  

23 And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. 24 And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. 25 And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” 26 And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. 27 And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” (Matthew 8:23-27, ESV)

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:39, ESV)

I want to step into the boat with Christ. I want to follow after my Savior and I want to lose my life in order to save it. I want to sacrifice my life for God. While some sacrifices I'll begin to make in order to further the kingdom of God are obvious being black and white, others are a little gray.  However, the black and white and gray go hand and hand because they both involve the same thing- finances.  But the gray involves so much more. This gray is a desire God's put in my heart but there's a lot of preparation it entails including financial and the financial preparation is where my fear lies.   Is my fear God-given fear because the timing isn't right or is it fear from Satan?  Is God calling me to stay-put for now and learn to be content? Or am I being complacent because where I am is easy and comfortable?  Is God calling me to leave the easy and comfortable and stop being complacent or is He calling me to be content a little while longer? Is He telling me not to worry about the finances, that He's in control? Or is He saying you've still got a car and an education to pay for and those are the consequences for your past prideful choices? 

I trust God to lead me. I trust God for discernment. And I trust He will make His plan known to me if I am willing to take hold, and I am. I see my fear, but I won't live in it because I know God will cast out all my fear and give me perfect peace. (1 John 4:18)


(Also, I realize I used a lot of "I" in this post instead of "we".  Seth and I are in unison on the life we will live for Christ. We both realize our need to lose our "life" and follow after God. However, the things we will sacrifice do look a little different as we are two completely different people(made one by God)- male/female being one large difference.  Of course naturally as we are "one in flesh", we will both need a perfect peace from God in all decisions)



 

Good Friday

The idea of having a God who would sacrifice his Son-human yet knew no sin- overwhelms me.  After reading through the Old Testament and understanding the laws the people had to abide by to stay clean, holy, and righteous, I now understand in greater depth the gift God gave us on this day- the miraculous gift of life when three days later He arose from the dead, and after spending some time on earth ascending to heaven and leaving His Spirit to live among us.   

We were terrible people.  God gave us all these true promises.  As He led us out of Egypt, he supplied us with all our needs and promised us a Holy Land full of milk and honey.  But we were selfish and impatient.  We wanted the “good” things now.  We served all these man made idols like they were going to give us what we wanted.  God knew our needs. He promised to take care of us.  He gave us laws so we could stay holy and right with Him.  And yet we abandoned him over and over again-we did what was “evil in the sight of God”. And through all our sin, all our rejection to Him, God loved us enough that He sent His very perfect, only Son to this earth to be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins.

Jesus was perfect. He lived a perfect life.  He wasn’t sent to earth to have “form or majesty that we should look at him” (Isaiah 53:2), but He was borne of a virgin girl-a commoner- and He held the occupation of a carpenter.  He was tempted the same as us and yet He never gave to temptation.  He loved EVERYONE even those people who were rejected by others.  And he was persecuted and ridiculed.  He-the perfect and spotless lamb- gave his life on a cross.  He shed his own blood.  He died for your sins and my sin so that we could be free from the law (Romans 7) and have His Spirit live in us. 

Praise the Lord. Hosanna in the Highest. Jesus. Messiah. Name Above All Names. Worthy of All Praise.  Blessed Redeemer. Emmanuel.     

God of Love

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. This is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."

1 John 4:7-12

The past couple of months, I have been placed in a few situations where I've had to serve people with love that are honestly just not that easy to serve.  In these situations, I could feel anger and bitterness trying to overtake me.  But every time Satan has began to have his way, God has taken me back to what He's commanded me to do- Love One Another as I love myself, Not Love One another as they have loved me. He's taken me back to His Amazing LOVE for me.  He has reminded me that He carried the Cross (death) for me and my sins. He died for my selfishness, my pride, my worry, my envy of others, and the slew of many other character flaws I have, and He died for all others too. Because I know Him personally I'm able to have His Spirit live in and throughout me. His Spirit which produces fruit of love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and gentleness and faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-24). If I abide in Him, He'll abide in me (John 15:4). If I love Him, I'll love others sincerely.  I can't love God if I hate my brother(1 John 4:20).   Though my flesh says burn those who aren't easy to serve or love,  I'm able to act in love because of Christ's Spirit living inside of me.  I'm so humbled because I KNOW I can't love others genuinely without Him.  I cry with joy because God is working in me- He is testing me (James 1:2)- and I am able to respond in love because of His love for me! 

How great is our God that He doesn't ask us to do things on our own.  How great is our God that He loves us enough to send His Spirit to live inside of us (Acts 2) if we choose to trust in Him. God is faithful always and His words are true.  When He tells us if we will abide in Him then He will abide in us and we will produce His fruit-it is true. I cry with joy today because God is showing me how to love the "least of these". He's showing me how to love the Pharisees and the Tax Collectors, the Prostitutes and the Young Rich Rulers.  While the battle still rages and my flesh does win too often, I'm so thankful my God loves me enough to have already won the battle for me. I do and will continue to fail. I will have a terrible attitude and I will act in pride and I will sin, because I haven't the strength to be perfect.  But my God is perfect and He will lovingly discipline me yet forgive me for all my sins!  Oh how I'm in need of a Savior! Every single day, I need a Savior!

So today I will continue to challenge myself to dig into His Word more, because without His Word I can't know Him or His will for me... When I am in the Word, I'm more likely to choose Him and bear His fruit allowing me to respond with love to those who are anything but love in return. If I am not in the Word, Satan sadly has his way, and harsh words are said while anger and bitterness and pride and worry boil up inside of me.  

I challenge you along with myself to study His Word, memorize scripture, and pray without ceasing.  Without a loving vertical relationship with our Father, we are unable to have a loving horizontal relationship with each other. 

God is good, and oh He is so faithful. He is Love. And only through His love are we able to love others.  God has called us to love one another. He's called us to love our enemies and pray for them (Matthew 5:44).  After all love does covers a multitude of sin. (1 Peter 4:8) So let us love.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with it passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit."  Galatians 5:22-25

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  John 15:5

"We love because he first love us. If anyone loves says "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.  And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." 1 John 4:19-21

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and send rain on the just and unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not eve the Gentiles do the same?  You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.'" Matthew 5:43-48

"Above all, keep loving each other earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:8

October 7, 2012

I thought I'd share a few pictures from the best day of my life with more to come at a later date.

Mom, Dad, and brother.

sweet best friends

My new precious and beautiful family.

Is he not the most handsome ever?  I love my husband and his heart for God.

The most joy filled day.

My Eternal Valentine

Just a little something I wrote last Valentine's Day (2012). 

For the first time in my twenty three years of life, I have a boy here on earth who will call me his valentine tomorrow. Forever I thought of Valentine's Day as a silly holiday-Actually, I think I had a bitterness towards the day. I always joked about the day but deep down I was dreaming of the day I would actually have someone shower me with love on that day.  

This year I  am finding love in the day not only because I have a boy to spend the day with but because it suddenly hit me that for all twenty three years of my life I've had the ultimate Valentine every single day of my life.   I have a Savior that died for me. He knows the depths of my heart and He still continues to love me. He knows my every thought and move, and HE STILL LOVES ME. He'll always love me. It's kind of crazy to think that I've spent so many years being slighty bitter about a holiday of love when all along I've had the greatest love of all.   I am so overwhelmed that I have a God who sent His only Son to this earth to live a perfect life just so that he could be persecuted and condemned for loving others; He was nailed to a cross to become the ultimate sacrifice for my sins and rose again so that I can live for eternity.  

None of us should feel unloved today or tomorrow or any day because we all have the greatest love of all, a love that has no depth or end, "a love that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3:19), AN EVERLASTING LOVE!  

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone whoe does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.  IN this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."  1 John 4:7-12

This year (2013), I have a HUSBAND for my Valentine- one who shows me amazing love daily-  and I am SO blessed. I thank God for Seth daily, sometimes hourly.  But Seth and I are both human, and we fail each other. Praise God for the gift of forgiveness, grace, and mercy.

 While Seth will only be my Husband and Valentine for my days here on earth,  one thing will always remain the same- I have a perfect, unfailing Valentine for eternity. One who knew me before I entered my mother's womb, and I praise my Father in Heaven this day and forevermore!

Looking to the things that are unseen, things that are eternal.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

It is a reoccurring theme for my life to become completely overwhelmed by busyness and a to-do list a mile long.    And the preceding scripture is one I remind myself of often, although not often enough.   In this new season of my life (being a married woman), I'm learning I cannot be the perfect wife, friend,  or daughter. As hard as I try and push, I'm going to fail, and I'm going to become weary and overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks.... unless I allow God to take control.... unless I allow God's grace to live through me... unless I allow myself to be humbled.

I can't do this without HIM. I can't live life with joy and love and patience and humility without GOD. Without fixing my eyes on the unseen- eternity.

My outer self is wasting away, but my inner self is being renewed day by day.  That is so refreshing, knowing that if I fix my eyes on Christ and rest in Him, He will renew me from the inside out so that I won't be weary.  Knowing that the everyday trials and chores are only momentary, allows me to live more joyfully taking heart that Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33).   It is my prayer that I will surrender my burdens to God, choosing to serve others with humility, love, joy, and selflessness.